Dirty, Lying, Cheating...teachers

They tell you in primary school that teachers are faultless human beings, they can do no wrong. And you, as a small, extremely gullible child, believe this, at least to some extent and it carries through in your life for a while. It's not until you get into senior school that you begin to realise that teachers are actually human and that they have a life outside of school. "As if!", I hear you whippersnappers say, but it's true. And this little story exemplifies the point.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/tees/7947127.stm

Basically, this teacher, one David Flinn, not only invented the death of his girlfriend to get sick leave to go to her funeral, he invented the death of two more! The article says, "Flinn told colleagues that his "girlfriends" had died of Aids, in a car crash and of an unspecified fate in America." What a lying swine!

Not content with just lying about having girlfriends in the first place and then saying they died, oh no, he also "came into school with a walking stick, telling colleagues he had been injured by a car during a hit-and-run incident." and "On another occasion, Flinn appeared at work with his arm bandaged, explaining to staff that he had been given an implant to control his adrenalin levels."! Really quite funny when you think about it. Reminds me of a boy in my year who also has a tendency to, shall we say, exaggerate the truth a little. To the point of lying. Now this "B-boy Turbo", as we shall call him, has claimed previously that his uncle has a ferrari. No wait, his dad's uncle. No wait, his dad's uncle's friend has one. No wait, his dad's uncle's friend's cousin's dog's brother's owner's mother's sister's boyfriend's other girlfriend's other boyfriend has one. Except it's not a ferrari, it's a fiat panda. You get the picture.

Anyway, this pathological liar that is B-boy Turbo is currently claiming that he has something wrong with his face. Passing the opportunity for an easy joke I asked him what it was. He said:

"NOBODY KNOWS! IT'S CRAZY! THE DOCTORS HAVE NO IDEA! I'M A SPECIAL CASE!"

Well at least he wasn't lying about one thing. Further questioning reveals that he apparantly gets facial spasms, is on heavy medication and has to visit the hospital regularly. Of course, he can't actually name any of the doctors that work at the hospital and he doesn't even know where the hospital is.

This may seem trivial to all you but I do have a point. See, this lead to the one of the all time great excuses that mankind has ever known and I would like to share it with you.

One day, I was organising a football game and we were one man short. So, out of desperation, I phoned B-boy Turbo. He said he couldn't play. I said why not. He said, and this is no word of a lie, it was because he was "off his face on drugs" (meaning prescription drugs). By this point I had turned the phone on speaker and all of the gathered people literally fell over from laughing at his ridiculous excuse which we knew for a fact was a lie. But, credit where credit is due, I didn't mind that it was a lie because it was just such a brilliant lie, told with utter sincerity, in the knowledge that all parties involved knew it was a lie. Completely brilliant.

I do feel sorry for both these people though. It's a sad state of affairs when somebody is reduced to coming up with extremely elaborate lies to get attention. Maybe one day B-boy Turbo will find happiness, possibly as an improv raconteur, who knows.

I do have other stories on the soon-to-be infamous B-boy Turbo and they may be shared in time, on another day, in another blog. So for now...

/Thomas

(Stolen from Dave)